


Coming Of Age and Coming Out

by oliviawrites (LauraLittlemiss)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 17:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11559957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauraLittlemiss/pseuds/oliviawrites
Summary: Dan realizes he wants to say something.





	Coming Of Age and Coming Out

Dan knew he had to do this. He just had a feeling that he had to do it today. He had been itching to come out ever for a long time, but he never had to courage. But today, that changed. He just woke up an hour ago and he hadn't even done anything but set up his camera. Phil didn't even know he was doing this. He found his mirror and made sure he looked at least semi-presentable before turning to sit front of the camera. "Okay, breathe Dan." He muttered to himself before switching on the camera, willing his mouth to form the classic smirk. "Hello internet. I'm sure that you can see from this tittle that this video isn't going to be a regular one. I'm sure that you all have guessed, and maybe screamed, at what this video is. So now I am going to tell you a story, a story that I am sure a lot of you will relate to. Because you know, I'm relatable. I know what the kids are into." He's have to edit some colored comic sans in later.

"So, this entire thing started when I was about 13 or 14. I found guys attractive. Like a lot. And I think I even got a crush on a guy at some point. I don't know, not the main point of this video. The point is that I found a few guys attractive and I was very aware of this fact." He took a deep breath and forced himself to stay as relaxed as possible. He couldn't look like he was about to throw up for the entire video, nobody wanted to see that.

 

"It's always really weird when you grow up with a attraction to both guys and girls because as a male, everyone expects you to want to have sex with every female at the age of 17. Your friends, society, just the pressure in general makes it seem that way. It's all 'girls, girls, girls' and my brain at the time was unconiously saying 'Okay, girls are great, but what about guys?'" He cracks a small smile at that. "Tbh, that's kind of how my brain works nowadays too."

"Basically, you knew about gay people because they were different and you obviously knew about straight people, but the thought of something exist in between was basically unheard of. So what did I do? You guessed it, I went on the internet and found out about." He laughs a little. "I think I actually just typed in 'I like guys and girls what does this mean' and then went on the first page that came up on google."

"The point is, I figured out what being bisexual meant and that is very real. It was a eye-opening experenice. Like, I actually had a label to assign to this weird feeling and people could actually be both bisexual and happy. And that was cool. I think I probably spent all night on the computer after I finished my homework just reading about all the different sexualites and what they all meant."

"And I learned. I learned all about the different sexualities and about pride and about how unfairly people were treated. And I didn't want that. I didn't want to be treated differently and like I was weird. I didn't want to be called 'fag' and other slurs like I had seen happen. I decided I didn't want any of it. So I decided to ignore it and forget about found guys cute." He took a deep breath and paused for a second, figuring out how to word the next sentence. "It worked for about a month. Then a new guy transferred and everything about being just straight was forgotten. This was my first real, true crush on a guy. Maybe even my first true crush. I had had crushes on girls, everyone's supposed to have had a crush on a girl by this point. But I had a crush on a guy, and not a girl." The video jumpcutted to him yelling "REPRESS YOUR FEELINGS, DANIEL". "And this guy was cute. Black hair, bright blue eyes, he was a bit taller then me at this point. And he was a bit older then me." He winked at the camera before going, "It's not Phil, obvi guys, c'mon."

"I literally tried everything to be his friend but it never worked out so I kind of just ending up admiring him from afar and being content with that. We had the same gym class, so that was a blessing. I think his name was Ryan or something. My first love." A heart appeared on the screen with #Dyan in comic sans on it.

"But enough about awkward, sad, and emotionally repressed Dan. Let's talk about Dan around the age of 15 and 16. A person I have tried so, so, hard to forget. So hard. Unfortunately, he still exists and I still need to mention him because he is a large part of this story. Around this time I had started to accept the fact that, yes, I do and did like guys, and yes, it was okay to do that."

"I slowly started to accept myself at this point. I still wasn't 100% okay with myself and who I was, but I was getting there." He pauses for a second, his eyes looking down at the ground. When he talks again, his voice is small. "And I think I don't give him enough credit for doing that. He was dorky, weird, awkward and just a overall embarrassment but he was trying to figure himself out and accept it. I was trying to figure myself out and accept it. And while I was horrible on the outside, on the inside I was trying so hard to fit in and be who I wanted to be in the way that I would get bullied least. Which is very hard, by the way. Society can be a tad bit more forgiving now because it's all about 'embracing who you are and being yourself at least online and maybe in real life too', and that's great, it really is, but it wasn't as simple back then. It was a whole lot tougher and less understanding and I had online friends I didn't know irl, but it wasn't what it is now. Tumblr wasn't even around at this point. Wait, maybe it was." The video jumps to Dan on his phone, scrolling. "Okay, so Tumblr was actually created in 2007. It was, wait when was this? Like 8 or 9 years ago? And it's 2016 now?" His face goes blank. "Oh God, it's 2016. Yikes. But so this was in 2007 or 2008, so yes Tumblr was around. But it was not popular. At all.

"Point is, Dan is lonely, Dan is sad, Dan tried not to look like he was lonely and sad or be lonely and sad, and it made him look even lonelier and sadder with a bit of pathetic mixed in with really bad hair and horrible clothes." He makes a face. "I did a great job of summing that up." Mutters, "Fucking shit, that was bad." He smiles and throws his arms out to the side. "Oh well, the fact is I need to start appreciating my old dorky self more."

"Now that we have that covered, let's move on to the age 18. This was pretty big for me and I'm sure everyone knows why. I started watching this guy AmazingPhil."

"Am I actually going to talk about this? Is this going to become a thing? You know what, I don't care anymore. I'm doing this." He puts his hands on his hips and bends forward slightly. "Put on your seatbelts, kids, we are exploring the 'sweet mems' of me and Phil." The next shot is of him with his face in his hands "Why did I decide to do this? This is going to be good for anyone."

"Around the age of 18 I started watching a guy named AmazingPhil, and after a while I started to, well I basically stalked him online. You know this story, I'm sure half of you will tell this to your kids as a bedtime story. After a while Phil started to reply to me. And it was pretty clear I was crushing on him. Yup. Everyone thinks about it at some point. I 100 percent admit that I, Dan Howell, or more commonly known as dansinotonfire, had a crush on Phil Lester, more commonly known as AmazingPhil."

"I'm sharing this because I've gotten to the age of 25. And that's old. I'm old now, guys. I've lived for a while and I've thought things and I've decided that now is the time to say this. I've realized I've come of age and now is the time to share this."

"I eventually got to meet him, we became best friends, and we still are to this day. I'm going to get Phil now. He has no idea I'm doing this." Dan stood up from the chair, switched the camera off, and grabbed another chair to place next to his. He then left the room in search of Phil, figuring out he didn't have to go far because Phil was sitting in the lounge on his laptop drinking tea. "Hey Phil, I need you for something."

"Oh hey, Dan, you're up! And sure, what?" Dan moved closer to the couch and fumbled with his hands a bit. "I, um, I'm filming a rather important video and I you're a big part of the story so I need you to come and tell it with me." Phil looked at him for a second before responding. "Wait, are you filming, are you making that video?" Dan nodded quickly and Phil was up and following Dan down the hall to his room. Dan switched the camera back on and him and took a seat next to Phil.

"This is my boyfriend, Phil." Phil waved. "And we are, and always will be, extremely happy together. We love each other. In fact, the only thing that will change about our relationship is the status. Phil, what's happening next year?"

"Well, next year, you and me will be flying to Japan."

"And what's happening in Japan, Phil?"

"I do believe we are getting married." Dan and Phil turned to the camera with the biggest smiles on their faces.

"Oh yeah, that's right. We're getting married."


End file.
